Saturday, November 19, 2011

Working Thru Grief

It has been 5 years since my mom passed away from cancer. This year, all I've been able to reflect on is how far I've come....specifically, how I've processed through my grief. Grief is so different for everyone. What works for me, may not work for everyone else. I am not an expert at all just someone sharing what worked for me.

1. Embracing all the emotions.
Anger. Tears. Laughter. Fear. Abandonment. All these emotions have come at different times. Different moments. I've learned to accept them when they come. It helps me and removes the feeling of drowning.

2. Talking.
Talking about my mom. Talking about my feelings.

3. Counseling.
Going to see a counselor was wonderful. I felt I was given the tools to understand my grief.

4. Support Group.
I joined Students of AMF and the opportunity to meet with others who had experienced loss...specifically loss of a parent, sibling was so beneficial. So invaluable.

5. Community.
My closest friends have never been timid about talking about my mom...or my feelings. It is a true sign of friendship when a subject is not taboo.

6. Difficult Days. Difficult Moments.
I know the days that will be particularly hard. Those are almost easier to handle than the moments. The moments are unpredictable and come suddenly. Preparing for them is impossible, so I have no choice but to embrace.

7. A book.
A lady gave this book to me for my dad. He read it in a day, it took me months. Every sentence was so raw and so aptly described how I felt. The book is "A Grace Disguised".

I've learned that life goes on. And, that I will not live my life feeling handicapped by my loss. Healing does come and for me, Grace brought it.


  1. Faye Christine SmithwickNovember 19, 2011 at 8:27 PM

    I am so glad you have been able to deal with this. It is so hard to lose your Mother. What makes it the easiest for me is to know she is in heaven and in such a wonderful place. But your Mom was so young. My mother was in her eighties. That makes a big difference. I know it would have been so much harder if she was younger.

  2. Just reading this post makes me think of your mom and the first time I met her when you came to look at the campus. She had so much joy, and you are continuing her legacy just by being who you are.

    As for the grief over loss, it will always be there. I lost my Mom when I was 9 and I still grieve for her. It is something that will always be there, but also something that we can use to help others around us who are hurting. Our Father, has used this experience over and over in my life to help others. And, I am sure that your expereince is and will continue to help. Thank you for sharing!

  3. Thanks for this Bethany. I guess I forgot that our dates are so close. I feel the same way about reflecting on how far God has brought me since that day, but even after 4 years I still hate Nov. 24. I guess that is how it will be. Lifting you up in prayer.


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