Friday, November 19, 2010

November 19, 2010

Dear Mom,

Four years ago, you finished your fight with cancer. Four years ago, a hole in my heart formed. A hole that signifies your absence. I know that given a choice - you would have continued to fight just so you could have watched your kids grow up. Four years later, I'm struck by how much you've missed. And, how much we still miss you. You'd be proud - we've worked hard to remain a family that did not fall apart just because you are gone. But, you are still missed.

Today, I enter this day with many, many mixed emotions. Today, I remember how much I miss you. Four years seems like yesterday and though I've grown accustom to life without you....I still wish I could go through life with you. Is that too much to ask? To have a Mom to experience the joys, trials and adventures that make up life?

11 months ago, I married an incredible man. Mom, you would have loved Ben. He would have made you laugh. 11 months ago, I planned a wedding and tried hard to remember that normalcy - for me, for my life - was a wedding without the mother of the bride. 11 months later, Ben has been a tremendous comfort as I tried hard not to let this week's struggle of grief and heartache of missing you consume me.

I will always wish that you could have been here. To grow old with Dad. To watch us grow up. To meet the people we fall in love with. To hold us tight when we are struggling. To do all those Mom things.

Four years later, I'm glad you are no longer fighting cancer. Four years later, I'm glad you won.


  1. This made me cry. Hope you're doing alright today, if you want someone to talk to I'll be here!

  2. Bethany,
    This is absolutely beautiful! I cried so much, remembering my aunt and grandfather-in-law that both just recently went home to see the Lord after fighting valiantly against cancer. I'm thinking and praying for you.

  3. Bethany,
    Oh how I remember your mother. She was such an amazing woman... Wow! I know 4 years has to seem like such a short time cause God only knows how short of a time 15 years feels for me. Cancer breaks my heart. I still love you girl!!!

  4. hey bethany!!

    that was very touching but i think the most touching thing to me was the openness that you have thankyou for sharing that i remember i guess about 10 months ago when you were at three d i miss you alot and the presence you brought about i miss the motherlyness you had about you and the love you shown you deffently left a mark in my life!! hope you and ben are having an awesome time

    love riche


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