Four years ago, you finished your fight with cancer. Four years ago, a hole in my heart formed. A hole that signifies your absence. I know that given a choice - you would have continued to fight just so you could have watched your kids grow up. Four years later, I'm struck by how much you've missed. And, how much we still miss you. You'd be proud - we've worked hard to remain a family that did not fall apart just because you are gone. But, you are still missed.
Today, I enter this day with many, many mixed emotions. Today, I remember how much I miss you. Four years seems like yesterday and though I've grown accustom to life without you....I still wish I could go through life with you. Is that too much to ask? To have a Mom to experience the joys, trials and adventures that make up life?
11 months ago, I married an incredible man. Mom, you would have loved Ben. He would have made you laugh. 11 months ago, I planned a wedding and tried hard to remember that normalcy - for me, for my life - was a wedding without the mother of the bride. 11 months later, Ben has been a tremendous comfort as I tried hard not to let this week's struggle of grief and heartache of missing you consume me.
I will always wish that you could have been here. To grow old with Dad. To watch us grow up. To meet the people we fall in love with. To hold us tight when we are struggling. To do all those Mom things.
Four years later, I'm glad you are no longer fighting cancer. Four years later, I'm glad you won.